What Men Say About Women When They Think You’ve Never Been One
3. “That bitch ________________________.”
The above sentence can be finished or reorganized in any number of common ways.
“That bitch is stupid.”
“That bitch’s mouth would look a lot better on my dick.”
“Don’t listen to her, she’s just a bitch.”
All of those are things people have actually been said to me.
My impression is that cis-men make these kinds of comments to me with the intention of establishing camaraderie, bringing me into the fold. I think it’s an impulse towards some weird version of intimacy—establishing our common reality as “men.” Unfortunately, the reality described (and produced) by the above comments is not the one I live in. I say “produced” because, for the same reason that saying n*gger in private amongst white people creates enduring racism, making these kinds of disgusting comments about women amongst “just men” (which, as a category, is less coherent when I’m included) creates enduring sexism. Our words become our thoughts, which become our habits.
I was recently on a train in Boston, and overheard a group of young men talking. One of them said to the other “who you texting?” and the other replied “my bitch….” and sort of noticed me within earshot, and quickly said “I mean, uhhhh, my girlfriend.” Simultaneously funny and upsetting. I don’t know why it surprised me given that, as a white person, I have heard white people “throw a private degradation-of-black-people party” several times. Thank you for connecting those two types of private displays of oppression.
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| — | Ruth Orme-Johnson, in response to article: What Men Say About Women When They Think You’ve Never Been One via The Bilerico Project |
